Friends & Family…Friends or Foe?

When it comes to buying a home, everyone suddenly becomes a real estate expert…especially friends and family. Ask any experienced agent and they’ll tell you: parents, friends, and colleagues can sometimes be the deal-killers.

As the buyer’s agent, your challenge is to connect with your client and keep the process moving forward, while navigating those extra voices in the background.

Step One: Find Out Who’s Involved

Early on, ask your buyer who will be part of the decision-making process. If a parent, friend, or relative is contributing funds or if their approval is needed, make sure they attend the showings from the start. Don’t wait until you’ve found “the one” to bring them in. Seeing only the final choice almost guarantees they’ll find something wrong with it.

Step Two: Address Concerns Early

If parents are involved, engage with them during showings. Listen carefully to their concerns and address them directly without being dismissive. The goal is to build trust, not create tension.

Why Parents Step In

Parents have been protecting their children since birth, it’s what they do. Buying a home feels like one of life’s biggest “adulting” milestones, but for some parents, it’s as if their grown child is suddenly six years old again.

No matter how independent their son or daughter has been, when it comes to a major financial decision like buying a home, some parents just can’t resist stepping in.

Why Buyers Want Their Blessing

Buying a home is exciting and nerve-wracking. In a slow market, many buyers want their parents to see a property before making an offer. And that’s fine, but be prepared for what might happen next.

Let the Fun Begin

Most buyers are smart, capable, and know what they want. When you meet the parents, start by complimenting them on raising such a thoughtful, prepared adult. Share how many properties you’ve seen together and why this one stood out.

Then, brace yourself. The questions and comments will come:

• “Is this neighborhood safe?”

• “It feels a little small.”

• “The price seems too high.  Do you know what you could buy in [insert state]?”

• “It needs a lot of work.”

• “Where will you park?”  “Is parking included?”

• “Why isn’t there a bathtub?”

• “How old is the roof?”

• “What’s going on with the house next door?”

One by one, these comments can chip away at your buyer’s excitement.

When Doubt Creeps In

You reassure the parents that their adult child is making an informed decision. You remind them and the buyer as to how many homes you’ve viewed and why this one is a good fit. Still, deep down, you know there’s a 50/50 chance the deal will stall.

It’s frustrating when someone who hasn’t been part of the entire search steps in at the last minute and sways the decision.

Buyers Need to Be the Grownup

Parents aren’t the only ones at fault. Buyers have to take ownership of their decisions, especially if they’ve done the homework, seen the options, and know what fits their needs. Going against a parent’s advice isn’t easy, particularly if the parents are helping financially. But in the end, the buyer has to live in the home, not Mom or Dad.

What You Can Do as the Realtor

This is delicate territory because you don’t want to alienate either party. Here are a few ways to help:

• Privately remind your buyer of their priorities.

• Review the homes you’ve already eliminated and why this one made the cut.

• Reinforce that they’re capable of making a smart decision.

Sometimes that pep talk works and the offer moves forward. Other times, the search continues.

Frustrating? Yes. But part of our job as agents is to guide, support, and keep the process moving, even when friends and family make it complicated.

— Candy Miles-Crocker is the creator and coach of Real-Life Real Estate Training.  You can learn more about her here.