The surprising ways you judge yourself (and your clients) and how that’s keeping you stuck.

There’s a tricky little voice that shows up for most of us in real estate.
It sounds something like this:

“Ugh, she’s so disorganized. I could never run my business that way.”

“He’s such a show-off. I’m not one of those agents.”

“I don’t want to come off as pushy. That’s just not me.”

At first glance, these thoughts seem harmless. Maybe even reasonable.
But if you zoom out, you’ll see something deeper going on. Something that’s quietly influencing how you show up, how you lead, and how you grow.

You’re X-ing things out.

What does it mean to “X something out”?

Most agents think their biggest limitations are external: Interest rates. Inventory. Clients who won’t commit.

But often, the real constraint is internal.

Let’s say you X out “self-promotion.”
You see agents who constantly post about their wins as cringey or egotistical. You pride yourself on being humble. Grounded. Classy.

But what happens when you’re ready to grow your business? When it’s time to get visible? Build a personal brand?
Suddenly you’re stuck.

Because marketing yourself now feels like betraying your identity.

Or maybe you X out “slowness.”
You hate being perceived as inefficient or indecisive. So you rush through client calls, avoid downtime, or resist hiring anyone who doesn’t operate at your pace.

Meanwhile, your team is burning out. Your clients feel bulldozed. And your own energy is constantly in overdrive.

See the pattern?

You spot it, you got it

Here’s the twist: The qualities you judge most harshly in others? Are usually the ones you’ve disowned in yourself.

This isn’t about blame. It’s about awareness.

>> That agent you roll your eyes at because she’s “too much” on Instagram?
Maybe a part of you is craving more self-expression.

>> That buyer who keeps asking “silly” questions?
Maybe they’re showing you a part of yourself that’s afraid of looking unprepared.

These judgments aren’t bad. They’re breadcrumbs. They point you toward the parts of yourself you’ve put in a box, slapped an “unacceptable” label on, and shoved into the closet.

So… what do you do about it?

Start here. Grab a pen and journal your answers to these:

• I lose respect for people who are ____________.
• If I were too ____________, people wouldn’t like or accept me.
• When I’m at a networking event, I gravitate toward people who are ____________ and avoid those who are ____________.
• If I am ____________, I won’t be respected in this industry.

Don’t overthink it. Just answer honestly.

Then take a breath and look at your list.

Those are your “X” qualities.

Now ask yourself:

• What would it feel like to allow just a little bit of that quality into your leadership?
• What could open up in your business if you gave yourself permission to be… 5% more emotional? 5% more bold? 5% more playful?
• How might your relationships shift if you stopped resisting the qualities you judge in others—and started getting curious about them?

The freedom of reclaiming your whole self

The gift of this work is that it doesn’t require you to change who you are.

It invites you to expand who you’re willing to be.

To stop cutting off parts of yourself in order to be “acceptable.”
To stop living inside the narrow definition of what a “professional” or “successful” real estate agent is supposed to look like.

You get to define that for yourself.

And when you do?

• You’ll show up more fully.
• Lead more authentically.
• And attract clients and opportunities that feel aligned—not performative.

Because you’re no longer hiding. You’re integrating.

Want help identifying the unconscious judgments holding you back?

Try the journal prompts or share this article with your team to spark a deeper conversation.

Or better yet—ask a colleague what they think you X out. Their answer might just surprise you.