It’s 3 AM, and you’re staring at the ceiling. Your mind races through the deal that almost fell apart yesterday. The appraisal came in low. The buyers are getting cold feet. The listing agent isn’t returning your calls. You tell yourself: If only they would just listen to me. If only I had more control over this situation.

But here’s the thing—you don’t.

And yet, what if I told you that the secret to thriving in real estate isn’t about gaining more control? It’s about mastering what’s already within your control.

The Illusion of Control in Real Estate

As a real estate agent, you juggle a thousand moving parts—market conditions, interest rates, client emotions, lender delays, and inspection surprises. It’s easy to get stuck in a spiral of frustration over things you wish you could control.

The truth? You can’t force a buyer to love a house. You can’t stop a seller from suddenly deciding to pull their listing. You can’t change a lender’s underwriting process.

What can you control? A lot more than you think.

Step 1: Sort the Files – What’s Yours vs. What’s Theirs

Grab a sheet of paper and make two columns:

1. In My Control | 2. Not In My Control

Examples:

In My Control:

• How I prepare my clients for each step of the transaction
• How I respond to challenges and difficult conversations
• My time management and lead generation efforts
• The level of care I bring to my work

Not In My Control:

• How the other agent negotiates
• Whether interest rates rise or fall
• The final decision a client makes
• How long it takes a lender to process a loan

When you focus on what’s not in your control, you’re handing your power away. But when you shift your focus to what is in your control, you regain your sense of clarity and confidence.

Step 2: Take 100% Responsibility

One of the most powerful shifts you can make as an agent is choosing responsibility over reactivity.

Let’s say your client ghosts you after a showing. You could:

• Blame the market, the house, or “flaky buyers.” (Out of your control!)
• Or you could ask: Did I set the right expectations upfront? Did I follow up effectively? What can I do differently next time? (In your control!)

Taking responsibility doesn’t mean beating yourself up. It means looking for where you do have influence—and doubling down on it.

Step 3: Redirect Your Energy to What Matters

Imagine what would change if you took all the energy spent worrying about things outside your control and redirected it to things within your power.

• Instead of stressing about a slow market, you sharpen your marketing skills.
• Instead of fixating on a deal that might fall through, you strengthen relationships with past clients.
• Instead of fearing rejection, you refine your follow-up game.

Your Superpower: Your Mindset

The most successful real estate agents aren’t the ones who control everything. They’re the ones who master their response to everything.

So, the next time you catch yourself spiraling over a deal, a client, or a market shift, pause. Ask yourself:

Is this within my control?
If yes, take action.
If no, let it go and refocus on what is.

That’s how you not only survive in this business—but truly thrive.