Real estate leaders know the playbooks. So why do the same patterns persist?

I have seen it over and over again. A brokerage invests in a new CRM that promises efficiency and better lead conversion. Agents are excited. Leadership puts resources behind the rollout. And then… almost no one uses it. Or take the agent who swears they will finally set boundaries with clients to protect their evenings. The intention is there, the tools are clear, and yet they keep answering texts at midnight.

It is not because these leaders and agents lack information. It is not because they lack urgency. The truth is that change is rarely about tactics. It is about identity.

Why Change Feels Impossible

Research shows that only one in seven heart patients make lasting changes after surgery, even when told directly that their life depends on it (Kagen & Lahey, Immunity to Change). If even that level of urgency is not enough to spark change, it is no wonder a new business system or a mindset shift in real estate can feel out of reach.

What this reveals is simple. Change does not happen at the level of the to-do list. It happens at the level of who we believe ourselves to be.

Adaptive, Not Tactical

Tactical change is what most of us reach for first. Learn the new skill. Add time to the calendar. Buy the latest app. These are surface solutions, and while they matter, they are not where the real work is.

The harder work is adaptive. Adaptive change asks us to look beneath the surface. It asks us to notice the beliefs and stories that drive our behavior even when we are trying to act differently. Imagine the agent who insists they will stop responding to client messages after 8pm. On the surface, the fix looks simple: put the phone away. But underneath, there is a deeper voice asking, “If I am not always available, will my clients still trust me?” That belief erases progress before it even begins.

Adaptive change means recognizing that what is really in the way is not time or tools. It is the identity we are protecting.

The Frameworks That Name It

Immunity to Change (Kegan & Lahey). They describe it as having one foot on the gas and one on the brake. An agent might want to delegate more, but secretly be committed to never looking “replaceable.” The unconscious commitment cancels the effort until it is surfaced.

Unconscious Commitments (Conscious Leadership Group). At The Helm we use this question: What am I more committed to than the change I say I want? Maybe you say you want work-life balance. But you are actually more committed to avoiding the discomfort of disappointing clients or your broker.

Neither framework excuses the behavior. Both reveal the hidden loyalties that run the show until they are named.

Real Estate Examples

• A top producer says they want to scale by building a team, but deep down fears, “If I do not control everything, the quality will slip.”
• A brokerage leader wants their managers to coach instead of command, but secretly feels more committed to never becoming irrelevant.
• An agent swears they will prospect every morning, but avoids it because they are more committed to never facing the rejection that might prove they are not as good as they hope.

We all have versions of this.

What Helps

Here is what makes change more possible:

1. Create space to see the pattern. Not because space solves it, but because without awareness, you are blind to the deeper drivers.
2. Name the unconscious commitments. Until they are visible, they run the show. Naming them loosens their grip.
3. Experiment in small ways. Try a micro-shift, like not answering one late-night text, and see what resistance surfaces.
4. Work in community. Alone, we recycle old strategies. In coaching, peer groups, or with a trusted thought partner, we can see what is invisible to us.

It Takes Time

If information or urgency were enough, every new training and every tech rollout would succeed. But lasting change means shining a light on the unconscious commitments that keep us safe but stuck.

In real estate, as in life, the work is adaptive, not tactical. And when we are willing to do that work, we do more than sell houses. We create more presence, more freedom, and more conscious leadership.