How many times this week have you labeled something as “bad”?
That deal that fell through. The client who ghosted. The open house no one showed up to.
It’s easy to assign meaning when things don’t go as planned. We’re wired for it. Our brains crave certainty. So when life hands us the unexpected or uncomfortable, we slap on a label—bad—and move on.
Except you and I both know we don’t really move on. Instead, we ruminate, spiral and stew in the story of what went wrong and why. What if we stopped doing that? What if, instead, we chose to see things not as good or bad but, simply, not for us?
The Reframe That Changes Everything
This is one of the most powerful shifts I’ve made as a leader, business owner, and human.
It doesn’t mean I don’t feel disappointed or frustrated when something doesn’t go my way. It just means I’ve learned not to make it mean more than it does.
Here’s a real story.
In my last full time position, there came a moment when I realized it wasn’t the right fit for me. At first, my instinct was to blame – if so-and-so just did more of this or less of this; if I only could spend more time on this instead of that; if the team just understood this better – the list goes on and on. But when I consciously took a step back, I realized that each of those responses didn’t add up to the company being “bad”; it was just data showing me that this was not the right place at the right time for me.
In fact, the opposite was true. It was an amazing company with so many incredible people and customers. It was just that I was no longer a fit in that ecosystem.
Had I just let my first instinct rule the day, I would have missed all that great information that would prove critical in helping design my next opportunity.
Here’s a little taste of how to move past assigning judgment to events and reclaim the power to choose how we respond.
Drama Triangle vs. Presence
If you’re labeling something “bad,” you’re likely somewhere on the Drama Triangle. Maybe in Victim mode (“This always happens to me”), or playing the Villain (“They never listen”), or even jumping in as the Hero (“I’ll just fix it myself”).
Conscious leaders step off the triangle.
Instead of reacting, they pause. Breathe. Get curious.
They ask:
- What am I making this mean?
- Is there another way to look at it?
- What’s actually true here?
This is what it looks like to operate above the line—in presence, in curiosity, and in creative responsibility.
Not Every Room Is Yours
In real estate, you’ll walk into a lot of rooms—literally and figuratively. Some of them won’t feel right. Some of them, despite all your best efforts, aren’t delivering what you had hoped.
- You’ll pitch a seller who never intended to hire you.
- You’ll interview for a leadership role that doesn’t align.
- You’ll join a team and realize six months in… this isn’t it.
That doesn’t make the experience a failure or that any of those people, roles or teams are “bad.” In fact, if you stop spending energy on categorizing it and more of that on understanding what it means for you, the faster you can move to the right role, client or team for you.
Try This Practice
Next time something doesn’t go the way you’d hoped, try this three-step move:
- Pause. Notice the story you’re telling yourself. (“This is bad.” “This means I’m not cut out for this.”)
- Get curious. Ask: What else might be true? How might this be for me?
- Reframe. Try replacing “bad” with “not for me.” See how that shifts your energy.
You might be surprised how quickly you come back to clarity.
Staying Open to Possibility
As real estate professionals, you’re in the business of possibility. But that only works when we stay open to it. Not everything that’s available is meant for you. And not everything that doesn’t work out is a sign you’re off track.
Want to hear a real-life version of this? Neda Navab, President of Compass Real Estate, shared her experiences with us in our recent podcast interview that might bring this idea to life. Listen here.