How I Deal With Comparison (And What I Teach My Clients to Do Differently)

Let’s be real—comparison is a sneaky beast.

You’re casually scrolling Instagram, check your MLS feed, or just walk into your office, and suddenly it feels like everyone else is closing deals, posting under contract signs, and living their best, commission-rich life while you’re wondering if you’re falling behind.

I’ve been there.

Comparison used to wreck me—emotionally, energetically, and professionally. I’d spin out thinking someone else had the secret strategy, more discipline, or worse—I’d make up stories that they must just be smarter or more talented than me. Only leading to more friction and less flow.

Until I made the mental switch and realized comparison can be a clue.

It’s data—not a verdict. 

Because comparison is rarely about the person you’re watching—it’s about the story you’re telling yourself. And challenging that story will light the way. It becomes the very answer you’re searching for.

Here’s what I know now—and what I teach the women I coach.

1. Get Curious, Not Critical

When you notice yourself comparing, ask: “What is this showing me that I deeply want?”

This question… is everything.

Because often, when we see someone else winning, thriving, or hitting a goal we haven’t yet reached, we’re really good at making it mean something negative about ourselves.

We spiral into:
“She’s ahead, I’m behind.”
“She has it, I don’t.”
“She’s doing it right, I must be doing it wrong.”
“If she got it, there’s less for me.”

Comparison feels painful because we’re interpreting others’ wins through the lens of scarcity.

But when we rewire our brains to see competition as confirmation, we shift into power.

What if you saw another’s success as evidence to what is available for us, not a threat?
A signpost—not a scoreboard?

So next time you catch yourself comparing, pause and ask:
“What is this showing me that I’m ready to receive?”
Let that desire expand you—not shrink you.
Use it to fuel embodiment, not insecurity.

2. Embodiment > Comparison: The Real Secret Behind Results

Once I stopped letting comparison spiral into insecurity—and started using it as a signal for what I was ready to receive—everything shifted.

That’s when I discovered the power of embodiment.

Embodiment means showing up as the version of you who already believes it’s happening.
It’s not about faking it or forcing confidence. It’s about aligning your energy, actions, and presence with the version of you who trusts the process, honors her pace, and leads from self-worth—not scarcity.

When I noticed comparison creeping in, I got intentional:

• I asked, “What would I do today if I already trusted that my success was inevitable?”
• I stopped looking at what other agents were posting or producing.
• I kept my head down, focused on what felt aligned for me, and acted from that grounded place.

That inner shift—from performing to proving, to embodying and becoming—is what changed everything.

Because the frequency of embodiment is rooted in sufficiency. In self-leadership. In becoming.

And that energy? It’s magnetic.

When you operate from that space, your decisions are clearer, your confidence is steadier, and your results are far more sustainable. Not because you’re doing more—but because your actions are coming from wholeness, not hustle.

So next time comparison knocks, try this:

Ask, “What is this showing me I’m ready to receive?”
Then step into the version of you who already has it.
Let her lead the way.
Not from force—but from frequency.

3. Anchor Into Your Version of Success

At Aligned Ambition, I teach my clients to create success that actually feels good—not just looks good on paper.

So ask yourself:

• “What am I building, and why does it matter to me?”
• “What does ease, joy, and impact look like in my life?”
• “How can I honor my ambition without abandoning myself?”

The truth is, many people you’re comparing yourself to are building based on what feels right to them, and with service and impact in mind- that’s why it is working. Success without aligning to these core tenets isn’t sustainable.

4. Regulate Before You React

Comparison often pulls us into urgency and scarcity:
“I’m not doing enough.”
“I need to fix this now.”
“I should be further along.”

Pause. Breathe. Regulate your nervous system.

Because when you’re grounded, you remember that:

• You’re not behind. You’re on your path.
• Timing is part of the strategy.
• Aligned action always beats frantic doing.

You can’t hear your truth when you’re spun out.

5. Be Around Women Who Choose Confirmation over Competition

This is one of the reasons I created my coaching community—so women in real estate don’t have to navigate this alone or keep subconsciously defaulting to a mode that is only hurting them, rather than serving them.

Inside my spaces, we normalize evolving your definition of success, honoring your unique path to get there, and remembering who you are—ultimately neutralizing comparison.

We celebrate slow mornings and big closings.

We focus on your inner frequency as much as your external results.

And we hold space for both ambition and authenticity.

Comparison only has power when we forget who we are.

So, come home to yourself. That’s where your next level lives.

Because while we may all be climbing the same industry mountain, the truth is—we’re on different personal journeys, in different seasons, with different goals.

The mountain doesn’t make us competitors.

It makes us companions, on a journey together.

 

— Kelly Parker is a founding coach of The Helm and the creator and coach of Aligned Ambition. You can learn more about her here.