This can be a real challenge because we rely so heavily on our support team, especially during busy times. When things aren’t running as expected, it can be frustrating and impact the business. I’ve been there—it’s tough to balance compassion for your assistant’s personal circumstances with the responsibility of keeping the team efficient and productive. Managing both sides can feel draining, and if it continues for too long, it can harm team morale, leading to even greater challenges.

Here’s a tool I use to help navigate this challenge, enabling me to find solutions that benefit everyone through meaningful actions and positive outcomes.

To get to a better place, first I’d recommend hopping on what Conscious Leadership calls the Drama Triangle to work through the energy that has been building around this issue. If you’re new to this work, this can feel a little uncomfortable at first – that’s completely normal.  Settle yourself in a quiet place and stick with it.  I might even recommend journaling your thoughts to get you started.  Here is how this might play out.

Hop on the Drama Triangle

In this case, you might feel like the Hero by trying to overcompensate for your assistant’s lag, or as the Victim, feeling powerless because you can’t control her personal situation or the delays. It’s helpful to get it all out. Be angry. Feel resentful. Be sad. Be lost. Feel it all either out loud or written down.

Then, ask yourself, do I want to make a shift around this situation?

If the answer is yes, then you can start to look at this challenge from a place of clarity, empathy, and accountability:

1. 1. Victim → Creator: Instead of focusing on the problem, begin thinking creatively about potential solutions. Have an open conversation with your assistant to understand how much capacity she currently has. Discuss how you can structure her workload more effectively during this period. For example, are there smaller, less time-sensitive tasks she can handle while other team members or temporary help pick up the slack on more urgent matters?

1. 1. Hero → Coach: It’s natural to want to fix the problem by taking on extra work yourself or putting undue pressure on her, but shifting into the Coach role means empowering your assistant to take ownership of her responsibilities in a way that aligns with her current circumstances. Ask her, “How do you think we can keep the team’s needs met while giving you the space to manage your personal situation?” This opens up a collaborative dialogue.

1. Villain → Challenger: If frustration is leading you to place blame (either on her or yourself), challenge the situation instead of personalizing it. Ask yourself, “What part of this process or structure isn’t working?” Could it be that deadlines need adjusting, or that additional support is needed for your team in the short term? This perspective shift encourages you to find constructive solutions rather than focus on fault.

Action Steps

1. 1. Open Communication: Saying all is okay to her but grumbling about it to yourself or others makes things worse. Have an honest, compassionate conversation with your assistant. Make sure to express your understanding of her personal situation, while also emphasizing the needs of the team. The goal is to co-create a plan that balances her well-being with the team’s performance. 

1. 1. Set Clear Expectations and Boundaries: Set short-term, manageable goals. Perhaps her workload could be temporarily adjusted, and specific tasks reassigned. Be clear on the time frames and deliverables that are critical, but allow her to voice what she can commit to. Having said that, only you can know what is tolerable and for how long. Make sure you’re clearly communicating what you need and when so there is no confusion.

1. 1. Consider Temporary Support: Depending on the severity of the issue and the timeframe, consider bringing in temporary support to ease the workload. This gives her breathing room while ensuring the team continues to meet its goals.

1. Check In and Adjust: Regular check-ins will allow you to reassess the situation. Personal issues evolve, and your team’s needs will, too. Show flexibility where possible, but be consistent in ensuring the team’s work is prioritized. 

One of the hardest (and best!) parts about working in real estate is that it’s all about people. That means unexpected and challenging situations will arise but with these strategies, you can own the outcome instead of it owning you.

Elizabeth Convery is a founding coach of The Helm. You can learn more about her here.