This is something I see again and again with the women I meet through The Helm. Brilliant, seasoned agents and leaders who have built impressive businesses, and who quietly confess they have always dreamed of coaching. They have the knowledge. They have credibility. They even have the passion.

And yet.

When I ask what’s holding them back, the answers are strikingly consistent:

• “Will anyone actually pay me for this?”
• “Do I have to give up my real estate business to coach?”
• “There are already too many people doing this.”
• “I don’t have it all figured out yet, programs, pricing, marketing…”

These aren’t small questions. They’re big ones. The ones that keep us circling the runway instead of taking off.

And here’s the thing: this pattern isn’t unique to coaching. It shows up every time a smart woman (or any leader, really) contemplates a big move. Launching a team. Expanding into a new market. Pivoting a business model.

We get stuck between ideas and action.

Why We Stall

1. We try to control the uncontrollable.

Ever catch yourself spiraling about how clients will react, or what “the market” is doing? That’s the control trap. We can’t guarantee outcomes, we can only choose our actions.

• Try this: The next time you’re stuck, draw two columns: In My Control / Not In My Control. Write it all down. Then circle one thing on the “In My Control” side and do it today. Action breaks the spiral.

2. We misinterpret fear.

Fear feels like a stop sign. But the Conscious Leadership framework reframes it as energy, evidence you’re stepping into new territory. Fear is a compass, not a cage.

• Try this: When fear comes up, instead of asking “How do I make it go away?” try, “What’s the wisdom here? What is this fear pointing me toward?” You’ll often find fear is simply spotlighting what matters most.

3. We get stuck in drama.

The Drama Triangle is a trap most of us fall into without even realizing it. It has three roles:

• Victim: “I don’t have the resources.”
• Hero: “I’ll just fix this myself.”
• Villain: “I should already have this figured out.”

Each role feels different, but they all keep us in the same loop: stuck, reactive, circling problems instead of creating solutions.

The Victim role convinces us we’re powerless, so we wait for someone else to fix it. The Hero role tells us we’ll feel better if we just swoop in and over-function, but the relief is temporary. And the Villain role piles on blame, of ourselves, others, or “the system,” but blame never builds momentum.

Here’s why this matters: as long as you’re in the triangle, you’re at the effect of life instead of creating what you want.

• Try this: When you notice yourself in drama (saying things like “It’s so hard,” “They don’t get it,” or “I’ll just do it myself”), pause and ask:
  1. “Which role am I playing right now, Victim, Hero, or Villain?”
  2. “If I stepped into Creator instead, what would I say or do?”

Creators don’t wait for rescue, over-function, or blame. They ask: “What do I really want? What’s one step I can take toward it today?”

That shift, from Victim, Hero, or Villain to Creator, is often the single move that unlocks momentum.

4. We X out the very qualities we need.

Most of us carry around an invisible “do not be” list. We’ve decided, usually years ago, that certain traits are off-limits. Selfish. Pushy. Sloppy. Too ambitious. These are the qualities we X out.

The problem? Those “X qualities” are often the very ones that would help us move an idea forward. When you’ve decided you can’t be selfish, you over-give until you’re exhausted. When you’ve decided you can’t be messy, you wait until everything is perfect, so nothing gets launched. When you’ve decided you can’t be ambitious, you keep your dreams small enough to feel safe.

The What Do You X Out? Exercise invites you to name those disowned traits and see how they’re running the show from the shadows. Once you can spot them, you can consciously choose when to borrow from those “forbidden” qualities in service of what you want.

• Try this: Fill in the blanks:
  • “I dislike people who are too ________.”
  • “If I were too ________, people wouldn’t respect me.”
  • “I shouldn’t be ________; instead I should be more ________.”

Notice what qualities show up. Then ask yourself: How might leaning into just a little of this quality actually serve me right now?

Maybe a dose of selfishness lets you carve out the time you need. Maybe a touch of pushiness gets your offer in front of the right client. Maybe some imperfection finally gets your idea into the world.

The point isn’t to become those qualities. It’s to reclaim the energy you’ve been banishing. Because often, the very thing you’ve been avoiding is the missing key to your next move.

Moving Forward

So the next time you find yourself stuck between idea and reality, pause and ask:

1. What’s actually in my control right now?
2. What fear am I mistaking for a stop sign?
3. Am I stuck in victim, hero, or villain mode, and how could I step into Creator instead?
4. What trait am I resisting that might actually help me move?

Because here’s the truth: the leap doesn’t get easier with time. The doubts don’t vanish on their own. But when you claim what’s yours to control, welcome fear as fuel, step out of drama, and bring all of yourself to the table, you create momentum.

And momentum is what carries ideas into reality.

So, what’s the one idea you’ve been circling? And what’s the one step you’ll take this week to finally move it forward?